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Author Archives: Christy McMakin

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About Christy McMakin

I am a daughter, sister, friend, mother, grandmother and breast cancer survivor. I am passionate, emotional, and animated. I love life, my children, my grandchildren, my family, my friends and my God. I am a leader, a follower, a student and a teacher. I am a Libra born in the cusp of Scorpio - therefore I am an emotional piece of balanced work (I am also a comedian! ;) ) I am addicted to chap stick, a warm cup of coffee, chocolate, hugs and kisses from my babies and grandbabies, and socks! I am an outdoor enthusiast and I love to hike, rock climb, explore, chase waterfalls, bushwhack, rock scramble and anything else that spells adventure! I write about anyone and anything that inspires me.

To my daughter….. I love you.

Ocean sailboat

My love for you is like the ocean

Vast, wide, deep and immeasurable.

 

Sometimes the skies will be calm

I will be the waves that hold you

As you rest and play

I will smile and my heart will overflow with joy

Because you are happy.

 

Sometimes the skies will be cloudy

And the storms will rage around you

I will be the waves that lift you up

And carries you to a safe place

I will smile and my heart will be satisfied

Because you are safe.

 

Sometimes the skies will be dark

And the storms will rage inside of you

I will be the waves that rise up around you

As a shelter to protect you

Until your sun shines again

I will sigh and my heart will be courageous

Because you are fearful.

 

Sometimes the skies will be bleak

And the storms will be raging inside of me

I will be the waves that come crashing down around you

I will weep and my heart will be sorrowful

Because I hurt you.

 

But all the times, regardless of the skies and the storms

I will hold you

I will support you

I will be with you

And I will be proud that you are mine.

 

Because my love for you is like the ocean

Vast, wide, deep and immeasurable.

 

 
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Posted by on August 11, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

Of Waterfalls, Baptisms and Free Souls

free soul

I came across this quote a year or so ago and being the ‘word person’ that I am, it jumped off the screen and stuck in my spirit. It provoked me to ask these questions:

The free soul – Lord, what does it feel like to be free?

Is rare – Lord, is this even attainable for me?

You feel good when you are with them – Lord, How do I make people feel?

I pondered these words over and over and came to the conclusion that indeed I wanted to be one of these free souls! God and I (with a little help from Elvis Presley 😉 ) had been tenaciously working for months to strip off some chains – mindsets – strongholds – call them what you will –  that had shackled my innermost being from birth. I had cried out to God countless times over the years for relief, but in the winter of 2012 I was desperate. I needed a change! I was frustrated with life, weary of the responsibilities that weighed upon me, exhausted of repeating the same ole things over and over again, depleted spiritually, mentally and emotionally. I cried out and His answer to me was the same as it was over 2000 years ago to the lame man who had sat by the pool of Bethesda for 38 years (John 5) “Would you like to get well?’ well…Yes! YES! I was ready to do whatever it took for the much needed change I so desperately needed. Thus began a journey of surrendering my ways, of trusting completely, praying relentlessly, of total commitment and tenacious blind faith.  I wasn’t sure what all would be required of me but I knew I was ready and willing for anything and after reading this quote, I was convinced of what I wanted the conclusion to be. I wanted to be free – in my soul – so free that even those around me would feel it and long for the same liberation!

In May of 2014 I was given the opportunity to visit Dick’s Creek Falls located in the Cherokee National Forest in Erwin Tennessee. This is a beautiful area that possesses incredible landscapes, fabulous fungi, rocks and boulders that demand climbing and magnificent waterfalls. On this day my we  hiked in by way of Rattlesnake Ridge and took in two falls, Lower Dick’s Creek and Upper Dick’s Creek Falls. Both, very different in appearance, were captivating. Lower Dick’s Creek was tucked away in a rocky cove as a single fall flowing down into a gorgeous pool of shiny green water. For the avid cliff jumper and swimmer, this is an enticing place to take a dip! Upper Dick’s Creek Fall possesses 4 different plumes that shoot off from a huge wall made of rocks and boulders. At any angle this fall is superb! You can explore the fall from all sides, climbing on the moss covered ledges, wading out into the pool of water at the base and even climb around to the top of the fall and gaze downward as is rushes over the edge.

1st visit

First Visit to  Upper Dick’s Creek Falls

It was at Upper Dick’s Creek that the tradition of the Hillbilly Baptism began. If you are facing the fall, the far left plume is perfect for standing under and letting the water wash over you. A fellow hiker decided on this particular day that he would do just that! Watching him, with camera ready as he made his way to the edge of the flow and capturing the moment where he completely emerged himself under the water was downright exciting! Although I was apprehensive about getting wet, I wanted a turn! So off I went, under the fall, just enough to where the water would hit the back of my neck and spill over me and  WOW! What an exhilarating feeling! The Hillbilly Baptism! Refreshing! Good for the spirit and cleansing to the soul. It was amazing and it would be a moment that I would long to experience again for over a year.

Fast forward exactly 14 months. Awake on a hot humid summer day in July. Gather a crew of some Fine  hiker-trash souls  (we don’t mind being called that, we all share the same flaming passion for the outdoors!), insert a four wheel drive path and some heavy duty vehicles and prepare yourself for a grand adventure back to Dick’s Creek Falls. This time our journey would include 2 more falls that my trail mates had discovered on previous hikes. I and a couple of others in our group hadn’t had the opportunity to see them yet so we were stoked.  Many in our group share the same love for fungi as I do and from the get go we knew it was going to be a superb day as we encountered mammoth size mushrooms along the access road. Moments after stepping foot on the trail we were greeted by numerous varieties of fungus in all shapes, colors and sizes. Although our quest was to see at least 4 waterfalls, I believe we could have spent an entire day photographing mushrooms and been completely satisfied with the trip!

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 The variety of Fungus was fantabulous!

The first fall we would come to would be Upper Dick’s Creek Falls. Seeing her for the second time was just as grand as it had been on the first trip. This is one of my favorite falls that I have encountered since I traded my flip-flops for hiking boots a couple of years ago. We lingered and played there for a while before climbing up to the top to see the gorgeous pool made out of gold – not really, but when the sun hits it just right the color of the rock underneath the water glistens prettier than any gold you could lay your eyes on!

Upper dicks creek My second gaze upon Upper Dick’s Creek

We finally managed to peel ourselves away from the first falls and climbed on up and over to trek about a hundred yards (maybe – I suck at measuring distance!) to the next fall, Upper Upper Dicks Creek Falls. My, oh my! Wasn’t she a sight to behold! Nestled in a cove of rock surrounded by laurel, this 50 or so foot fall was gorgeous! Shooting down the cliff and spilling over a huge tree that had wedged itself down the fall, she displayed power, prowess and pride! We all scrambled to take photos and do our best to capture her beauty and then we sat for a spell enjoying each other’s company while being serenaded by her melody. To the right of the fall stood Totem Pole rock. I had heard stories of this particular rock and I admit I salivated a little while listening. It was unique in its make-up, possessing faces at almost every angle you could study and it seemed to call out to my soul to come and climb. I succumbed to the wooing and a few of us ventured to its top and took in the view, snapped some photos and then we all proceeded to another uphill climb in search of yet another fall.

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totem pole 3  Totem Pole Rock

atop totem pole

Shameless selfie atop Totem Pole Rock

The climb to the last upper fall was a little tricky, having to scale up a very slick crevice. One false slip and you became the human bowling ball plummeting down, taking out anyone or anything in your path. The good news is that we all made it without what we call ‘badger error’ and was able to arrive safely at Upper, Upper, Upper Dicks Creek Falls. I find it interesting how each of the falls  on Dick’s Creek are completely different from each other, and this one cascading down a wall of emerald green moss and falling into a golden pool of bliss,   fell nothing short of triggering enchanting gasps as my eyes gazed upon her. We took our turn climbing over to the base of the fall for our infamous gnome pose photo op. Eventually it was time to head out and venture down to the last fall of the day, Lower Dick’s Creek Falls.

On our way back down we made one last stop at Upper Dick’s Creek to perform the ‘Hillbilly Baptism’. We had talked all morning about doing the baptism and for over a year I had waited to come back to this particular fall and once again experience the rush of the cold water plummeting down my body. For some reason though, I lingered at the top with the rest of the crew who were going to observe and take photos. I watched as two  trail mates both stood underneath the plume of water and their gasps as the cold water spilling over them resonated in my ears. When The next one stepped up to take his turn, I felt this gnawing ache in my gut and a still small voice in my spirit and I knew that I couldn’t just watch, I had to participate. My soul needed the cleansing I had waited so long to experience so the hiking boots came off, water shoes on and down I went to the base of the fall to take my turn.

Michael Taylor, friend, trail mate and photographer would be capturing our baptism on film. He had explained to me that I needed to stand still under the fall for 5 seconds – that’s FIVE seconds under a plume of rushing ice cold water – standing STILL – not moving – to get the perfect shot. Lawd have mercy! On the first attempt, I closed my eyes, held my breath, stepped under the fall and counted the slowest count to five that I have ever experienced! I was proud of myself that I had stayed under for the required time, but as I came out and looked up, he motioned for me to do it again, this time standing up a little closer to the front with my arms straight and even. Hello Fuzzy! Again? I thought the second attempt went much better than the first but once again, as I came out from under the water, Big Mike’s instructions were to do it ONE MORE TIME!  I guess to someone who has never experienced it before, the matter sounds a little trivial, but when you have ice cold water pounding your head and running down your face it’s a little hard to breathe and stand still. And…you may be asking why on earth do it to start with? Well, (1) it’s a hiker-trash tradition! (2) its exhilarating to stand under a waterfall and let it wash over you, and (3) you only live once! And for me it is as important to ‘capture’ the moment as it is to ‘experience’ the moment so off I went for the third time under the fall. But this time was different. I borrowed someone’s ball cap! I noticed when they were under the fall that the cap seemed to deflect some of the water off his face so I wanted to see if it made it easier, and boy did it ever! Standing under the fall as the water spilled over the ball cap away from my face, yet soaking my entire body, well I don’t really know if I have the proper words to express what happened inside of me but I will try.

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The Hillbilly Baptism! (photo credit to trail mate, friend and photographer Michael D Taylor)

As a young child I developed a horrible fear of water. I almost drowned once while trying to learn to swim and from that moment on I doubt my head had been under water more than 10 times in 40 years, except for showering of course 😉  The first time I attempted the baptism over a year ago, I didn’t stand completely under the water. The plume hit right on the back of my neck and spilled down over my shoulders. The second baptism I had experienced had taken place at Grotto Falls in Elizabethton (the fall above Blue Hole) and I braved the fall like a scared cat, standing completely under it for a few short seconds, so it was progress! This time however, I completely got lost in the moment. My focus wasn’t on trying to hold my breath, or keeping water from shooting in my eyes, nose and mouth. Instead I stood, under the rushing water, eyes wide open, taking in the scenery around me from behind the veil. I stood for what wasn’t more than 10 seconds I’m sure, but it felt like an eternity. I stood and I thought about all the things God had been doing in my life in the past two years and I felt grateful.  I thought about the undeniable peace He had placed in my spirit from the first moment my boots hit the dirt and I felt content. I thought about the life lessons He had taught me while we explored in His natural sanctuary and I felt enlightened. I thought about all the new friends I had made because of the trail who share a kindred passion and I felt connected. Just like the ball cap was deflecting the water from my face, I thought about the constant divine presence and protection I felt daily and I felt secure. I thought about the many times in life that I had stumbled and fell but got back up to give it another shot and I felt accomplished. I thought about the many fears that the trail had helped me overcome over the past two years and I felt unchained.  Perhaps time had frozen for a bit as those few seconds under the water allowed me to reflect upon a lifetime of events and changes. As I stepped out from underneath the fall for the 3rd and last time I was beyond thankful that I had succumbed to the still small voice that had urged me to participate. My body was drenched, my spirit was refreshed and my mind was clear.

Our crew regrouped and traveled down to Lower Dick’s Creek, the final stop for the day. Again, she was as fine as she was the first time I laid eyes on her! Someone had cut a tree down and had desecrated her view but two of my trail mates worked to remove the tree and once again display her glory. I’m not sure if anyone else noticed but as I sat and gazed into the emerald waters of the pool I saw my own reflection. So many changes had taken place in me, changes I had prayed for, pleaded for and worked for.  I smiled as I glanced for a moment deep down inside my soul …and I felt free.

It was yet another fine day on the trail!

11703038_1040899509263240_4889274847857008236_n Lower Dick’s Creek

flume 4 a side shot on Upper Dick’s Creek Falls

 
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Posted by on July 14, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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Of Wildflowers, Waterfalls and Joy for the Journey

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I have been hiking now for almost two years and, although I am a complete rookie at anything that has to do with the outdoors, the love and passion that was deposited in my soul from the first moment my foot hit the trail is unquenchable. The beauty of creation –  the smell of moss and dirt, the colors of the seasons, the melody of the trickling water, the wonder of a waterfall, the challenge of a rock wall that is screaming to be climbed – geez I get excited just thinking about it all! Oh and the peace that is imbedded in my deepest being with each step – it would be safe to just say that I absolutely love everything about it! A month or so ago I had the opportunity to go on my first ‘group’ hike. Up until this point my time on the trail had consisted of either going with a friend who had introduced me to the outdoors, venturing on some solo hikes to places I was 99% confident that I wouldn’t get lost (my directional skills suck raw eggs!) and a few adventures with my oldest son who caters to my passion for one on one time with him.  On this day however, I was privileged to join a group of hikers who were loaded with trail knowledge, incredibly skilled with the camera, packed with personality, fully equipped with trail savvy and all possessed what I call a ‘hiker’s heart.” From the moment we all stepped out of the car I knew that I was among kindred souls and that the day would nothing short of incredible.

Our destination for the day would be Gentry’s Creek Falls in Laurel Bloomery Tennessee. I had visited this set of falls once in the winter months when the trail was dusted with snow and ice bats were everywhere to be found along the way. Today, it didn’t take too many steps to see that Spring had sprung! The landscape was painted with color from various sorts of wildflowers that only their Creator could dress so superbly! Trilliums donned in the deep shades of scarlet, Dutchman’s Breeches dangling in the gentle breeze, Trout lilies and Bellworts bursting up like little rays of sunshine, Chick weed painted in the purest shades of white, Bluettes and violets coloring the path. One couldn’t help but stop and admire the exquisite scenery and that’s exactly what we did. What normally, at a steady pace, would take a little over an hour to hike to the waterfalls (2.5 miles) became a journey of taking the time to capture as much of the treasures of the trail that we possibly could. Moments of laying before a flower, admiring her in all her grandeur, snapping shot after shot to ensure the finest outcome. Kneeling before mounds of moss observing its 50 shades of green, smelling the earthy aroma (yes, I admit it! I like to smell moss!) running my fingers over the different textures. Standing beside the creeks edge, watching the cascades roll over the rocks, breathing in the melody while it penetrates the soul, sighing as the breeze dances softly across my skin. Oh if only time could have halted and allowed an eternity to savor every inch of this magical place! I took as much or more pleasure in watching my trail mates as they indulged themselves in every detail possible as I did in my own personal observations. I had to chuckle several times when I would look back and see them laying spread out on the ground, meticulously examining the specimen before them.

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Eventually, after a few hours, we arrived at the destination. Lay aside the beauty along the trail to the fall, the challenge of the 14 stream crossings – which by the way I love even when the water level is high and I get my feet soaked! – the awesome rocks and boulders you can climb all over – and the falls alone are a magnificent sight to behold. On this particular day the water level was abundant enough that there were two cascades flowing on the lower portion of the falls (the winter hike was a low level day with only the main cascade flowing so this was a treat to have two!). With a little effort, on the left side of the fall you can climb a steep goat trail up to access the upper portion of the falls. With careful footing you can cross the creek a final time to the right side and access one of my favorite rock walls to climb to the top of the upper fall. (The persistent ones will go on out to the edge of the upper fall and take the famous ‘boot shots’ while peering down over the fall). The entire scenery offers hours of exploring, photo opportunities, numerous spots to sit back and refresh a weary soul and even a perfect spot for a hillbilly baptism (another blog will suffice explaining this one!).

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The hike out went a little quicker than the hike in seeing that some of us had other appointments to attend to for the evening. The carpool back to our homes and vehicles consisted of conversations of the wonders of the day (and a little catnap in the backseat knowing I was babysitting a 20 month old later that evening and I better rest while I could!) and it wasn’t long until we were all on our separate ways back to our individual lives and agendas. A couple of days passed and while I was drinking my morning coffee and playing over everything I needed to get done for the day, I sighed at how busy life gets sometimes and the hurry we are always in – rush here, rush there, scurrying through our day to get everything done. Most of the time just barely surviving and waiting on that grand moment when we will be swept away to another time and a heavenly place.  My mind went back to the trail day and the way we lingered along the way. How no one was in a hurry to get somewhere although we knew a grand place awaited our arrival. The way careful observation was taken as to try not miss one good thing.

On this particular day it was all about the journey. Taking the time to digest each step, admiring every possible piece of beauty our eyes could behold. The appreciation of a creation made just for us. The conversations shared with old friends and new friends. The discovery of things not known before (well mostly by me because these guys know their flowers!). The fellowship of like-minded individuals and companionship of kindred souls. The treasure of connecting with people who have their own separate journeys yet sharing a few priceless moments together along the way. Oh that we would live our everyday life this way! Yes we have a grand destination awaiting on us someday but if that is our only focus, my oh my, what we miss out on along the way! It’s the journey that teaches us, grows us, shapes us and makes us. It’s the journey that possesses the life lessons, the moments, the treasures that money can’t buy. It’s the journey that allow us to meet others – some are kindred souls on the same path and some who are headed in a totally different direction – and glean from them tidbits for our own soul. It’s the journey where moments are appreciated and memories are made. The journey may not always go as planned, there may be a few slip-ups along the way , but taking the time to delight in it is where the true joy is discovered, joy that produces strength to carry us along our way until we reach our destination.

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Hiked on Friday April 17, 2015.

“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”  Anais Nin

 
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Posted by on June 3, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

Dear Christy….

lettter

For a little over two years now I have been writing a series of posts on my Facebook page entitled ‘Dear Christy.’ They usually include a personal message that coincides with a scripture, sometimes coupled with a picture or quote I come across that speaks to me. Many times I have had people express thanks for these little tidbits of inspirations and several have asked what exactly is the ‘Dear Christy’ series about. Well, here is the best explanation I can give you of what provoked the first post and why they come on a continual, random basis.

(Warning: this may be a little lengthy so grab a cup of coffee, a glass of sweet tea, a shot of tequila – whatever suits your fancy – and get comfortable….;-) )

Very early in life I had felt the sting of rejection. While I was an infant being formed in my mother’s womb, my father rejected me. As a little girl there were countless times he verbally voiced his hatred and anguish over the fact that I belonged to him; words of scorn, disapproval, even demands of me to not use his last name. The physical pain he inflicted at times from alcohol induced rages was tough but it scarcely compared to the deeply imbedded wounds his words left on my innocent heart. I grew up feeling ugly, unwanted, ashamed of who I was and unworthy of love. Those feelings followed me on into my teenage and young adult years, leaving me with an intense yearning to find acceptance and affirmation in the eyes of a man. Relationships came and went and the failure of a 12 year marriage left me devastated. It seemed no matter what relationship I found myself in, eventually it would fall apart and I would find myself alone, again.

It was Fall of 2012 and life was wearing me out. I was at a place where I felt emotionally and spiritually spent. Being the only parent to 4 children, filling the shoes of both mother and father left me overwhelmed (my children lost their dad in June of 2011 after a 3 year battle with colon cancer). I was longing for someone to fill the need that ached so deeply in my soul. Countless mornings I would wake before the sun arose feeling destitute and alone, an emptiness that at some moments felt as vast as the Grand Canyon.  I would cry out to God in desperation, wondering what was so wrong with me. I spent every hour of every day tending to someone else’s needs. Whether it was my children (and other people’s children that I loved like my own), my employer, my friends or my significant other – my days were literally spent at the service of others.  I wasn’t bitter, just broken and lonely and I struggled to understand why someone couldn’t be there for me when I needed it?  I crawled into bed on a lonely Wednesday night questioning God like a ferocious investigator. Why couldn’t someone hold me and let me know everything would be ok? Why couldn’t someone just love me back and make an extra effort to show it. A text? A call? A card? Anything that showed I was worth the effort, that proved to me that I was loved.

Thursday, November 29, 2012 was as normal as any other day. The usual 6 AM alarm was set, but some time way before then I felt a nudge to wake up. At first I thought one of my children had come into my room to wake me but when I opened my eyes, there was no one there. Ugh! I wanted to squeeze in every moment of sleep that I could before I had to get up, so I closed my eyes, breathed a heavy sigh, and then I heard as clear as anything I had ever heard in my life. “Dear Christy, I love you tremendously and don’t ever forget it!” Holy snap! My eyes flung open knowing I would see someone standing over my bed, but again there wasn’t anyone. I sat up looking around and heard Him speak again. “Dear Christy, I love you tremendously and don’t ever forget it!” Oh mercy! The words resonated in my spirit! My heart was overwhelmed and my soul rejoiced.

The magnificent God of Heaven, Creator of all things, Master of the universe and the Redeemer of my soul flooded my room with His presence! He had heard my desperate pleas and answered them in a way that I never imagined. A love note straight from His lips penetrated the depths of my being. He hadn’t sent another person to relay His message, no, instead He had showed up in person! He had traveled from the portals of eternity, penetrated time and space, and came to my bedside to speak the words my soul so yearned to hear. As I sat there weeping in awe and wonder something inside of my lonely heart broke and I knew that as the sun came up over the horizon, my life was going to be forever changed. For 17 years, from the moment God had answered my bodacious challenge to prove to me He was real I clinged to the crazy notion that Jesus was not only my savior, but that God the Father was my friend. Over the years I have been blessed to experience many facets of who He is. I can share countless occasions that I’ve worshipped and fellowshipped with Him as the Almighty God who sits high and lofty on his throne. Times that He sat with me as my teacher and opened His word up to my heart. Times I’ve heard His voice and felt His guidance as my Shepherd; times I’ve witnessed as He worked miracles right before my eyes as the all-powerful One (I even saw Him take the stars out of the sky and put them back into place three times! True story!). But on this crispy autumn morning He became someone brand new to me. He became my companion, the One who would fill my lonely heart and proclaim my worth to me. The One who made the most extreme effort over two thousand years ago to show me how much I meant to Him and who would daily reaffirm I was worthy, I was valuable, I was beautiful and I was loved. I knew this experience wasn’t just for me alone and had to be shared with others, thus began the ‘Dear Christy’ love letter series from God to me.

It wasn’t long after this moment that I found myself, by God’s guidance, walking as a single woman for the first time in many, many years. The thought of not being in a relationship of some sorts had always terrified me but I can say now that the reality of it was overwhelmingly refreshing and revealing. I have always been a person that has been driven by emotion. I feel everything! Most folks can walk outside and see a full moon and appreciate the beauty in it – me on the other hand can walk outside and be captivated as I feel the awesomeness of it run through every fiber of my being. I embrace the ocean’s waves as he dances precariously over my bare feet. I shed a tear at the sight of a magnificent mushroom growing gracefully along the forest floor. I fall in love with a stranger who shares their story with me. I cry at sad movies, happy movies, dumb movies. I remember once my pastor told me that I was the “most emotionally expressive and needy person he had ever met!” I wasn’t sure at the time if that was a compliment or an insult but regardless I knew it was the truth. Although I don’t need a man to mow my yard or wash my car, the insatiable desire I had to have one look at me with admiration and approval was ridiculous. This need to fill my emotional tank had driven me into several wrong relationships and honestly there isn’t a man this side of Mars that can keep my tank full! However, there IS a God who holds the universe in place that became my partner and my closest friend. Isaiah 54:5 even goes as far as to say “For your Maker is your husband, the Lord Almighty is his name, the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.” I had trusted Him for years for healing, for provision, for strength, for guidance but to trust Him enough to fully surrender and walk alone with Him as my mate…cough cough….really? Yet I took the plunge, the ‘omg I can’t believe I am going to do this but I am’ leap of faith and I can testify that God has never failed me. When I turned to Him and Him alone for comfort, He not only filled the abyss that loneliness had taken abode in for so many years, He also mended my broken heart and filled the cracks and crevices with a peace and trust in Him that is immeasurable! I would call out to Him and he was quick to answer. (He has even fixed my gas grill, unstopped my toilet and fixed my brakes – more true stories! I swear!) He has changed me from being that girl who would feel alone in a crowd to the one who loves to venture out alone with only Him and His creation.

Two years later the ‘Dear Christy’ series still comes on a perpetual basis. There are some days the revelation in His simple letter is just for my heart, and there are other days when there is someone within my social network connections who needs a comforting reminder – I never know, I just post!. I do know though that with each moment when He speaks those two little words – Dear Christy – my heart leaps within me and I know He is getting ready to say something to me that will change me.  It has been an amazing (and ongoing – He isn’t finished with me yet!) transformation! For the first time in 40+ years I not only love God, but I love myself and I love the life He blesses me with. There is a passion in my heart that cannot be tamed and I want others to know just how very much God loves them and values them too!

(insert note: In June of 2011 my dad accepted Jesus as his personal savior! There is never anyone that is without hope! ‘Hurt people hurt people’ but God forgives us all and there is no condemnation in the chains that used to bind him.)

 
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Posted by on January 22, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

I Saw God Today

I saw a man today
His hands were cold,
His jacket,old
His skin weathered
His eyes were grey
I’m sure he had seen better days
I don’t know his story
But I know he likes cheesecake

And another
His jacket said Ronnie
His shirt said Larry
We shared a laugh when he said his name was really Joe
I don’t know if that’s true
But I know he likes his coffee black

A lady, her voice quiet
She was polite
I looked her in the eyes
I caught a glimpse of how they used to shine
Her smile was kind
I don’t know where all she had been but I know she likes sweet tea

These people I met
They didn’t know me
I didn’t know them
But for a moment we were friends
I don’t know if I will ever see them again
But one thing I know

I saw God today
He was hungry He was cold
He was young He was old
His presence pierced my soul
We shook hands and we talked
And I watched him as he walked away
I don’t know when I’ll see him again
But for now I know
I saw God today and He was beautiful….

Thanksgiving 2014
Serving at a dinner for the homeless and less fortunate.

 
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Posted by on December 2, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

Of Caves, Darkness and a God Whose Light is Ever Shining

Frazier Cave

When I think of caves I automatically start feeling a little nervous. The thought of being surrounded by nothing but darkness, walls of stone, vampires sleeping in bat form and let us not forget the demons from the pit of hades – aka camel crickets – makes my heart beat a little faster and my breathing become a little shallow. Of course not all caves are just a closed in bunch of channels that you have to crawl through on your hands and knees in the blind darkness with water dripping on your head and cave dwellers waiting to pounce on you out of nowhere, but somewhere over the course of my life – probably watching too many scary movies – I have developed this stereotypical thinking that I have applied to all caves.

About a year and a half ago I took up the hobby of hiking. I have had the privilege of banking 27 trail days in 17 months and visiting the most marvelous places. Numerous magnificent waterfalls, mammoth sandstone channels formed in the ice age, mountain tops and balds with breathtaking views and even a few fire towers that were worthy of a climb. Many times the trail brings with it life lessons for me and the opportunity to conquer some fears. I am not at all fond of heights but I will scale the most slippery of rocks to get the birds eye view from atop a waterfall; I’ll hike until my hamstrings and buttocks are screaming at me to see the view from the pinnacle; I’ll stand as near to the edge as I possibly can to behold the trail from whence I just came. I’ve never been very fond of being alone – for some reason the deafening silence of solitude sent me into panic mode- yet I have ventured out on 3 solo hikes this past year that have been some of the most rewarding experiences of my life. Now I catch myself yearning for those moments to be alone with just me, myself and I and God’s creation. The last thing I will mention that I use to absolutely detest is winter. I’m a cold natured person (not cold hearted – cold natured! distinguish the difference please), I’m the chick that freezes in 80 degree weather! Everyone else will be donning shorts and tank tops and I am comfortable in a nice cozy warm hoodie; God forbid I forget my jacket if I go anywhere – that’s almost as tragic as forgetting my chapstick. Every year I would dread the coming winter and live daily waiting for spring time to arrive. Now, after going on several winter hikes in temperatures so frigid the lakes are frozen, I find myself praying for a snowfall and a day off to layer up and go adventuring.

Oftentimes while hiking  we talk of other places that friends have visited  and I can always feel my heart longing to go to these places – well all of them except the ones with caves! Nope! Nada! Negative ghost rider! No desire! Almost every nerve in my body would tense up as I gave that “oh sure, that would be cool” nod in response. However, just a few days ago, I found myself with a limited amount of time but a huge desire to get out in the wide open for a few hours. After a “hey whatcha doing Friday morning??” message to a trail mate, some conversation and planning, a chilly Friday morning (twenty degree weather!) we were off to a gem of a spot right off the beaten path in Scott County Virginia known as Frazier Falls. You park your car on the side of the road, hop a guard rail and wha-bam! You are in outdoor heaven.

The fall itself is incredible to say the least. With its size and flow it immediately put me in mind of Red Fork Falls that is located in Unicoi County Tennessee. Tons of moss covered rocks that provide a bridge-way to travel back to and fro in front of the fall and offer some great places for photo shots. The area surrounding the fall is a rock climbers playground. Huge craggy rocks that are perfect for a climb up, and they even provide a nice natural slide for the ride back down (by the way I landed my descent from the top with a little forethought, lots of grace and a butt-load of mud – pun intended). On up the ridge is an entrance to what is referred to as Frazier Cave and apparently that was going to be our destination for the morning. Whoa! What? Insert an “oh snap!” under my breath that verbalized itself into a “sure let’s go for it!” No I had not been drinking, it was 9 am, and no I hadn’t lost my mind, I am however known to be a little strong willed and the thought of missing out on something spectacular just won’t fit into my essence for adventuring, and yes, I trust my trail mate with my life and I knew he wouldn’t scare me too awful bad so…. I swallowed the lump in my throat and the ascent to the cave began.

The opening of the cave is quite large, no crawling on your hands and knees, no walking like a duck, in fact you don’t even have to stoop down to walk in. Once inside it opens up into this huge room at least cathedral ceiling in height. The temperature inside was pleasantly warm and the light from the opening is view-able even to the back wall. There were a few nooks and crannies that were completely dark but a seasoned hiker always has a flashlight handy to extinguish the darkness (and hopefully it’s not the one your sweet grand-baby plays with and runs the battery down) and well, like I said, a good trail mate always has a nice headlamp to light the way ;). I was filled with amazement as the first sliver of light went prancing across the cavern walls! It was as if someone had spray painted gold glitter everywhere and we were surrounded by a shimmering array. Precisely formed rock formations, stalactites, stalagmites, flow-stones, vibrant colors that were otherwise hidden in the darkness but demanded attention when the light danced across the canvas of rock. I skillfully ignored the camel crickets plastered on the wall to my left, instead my attention was drawn to the loner bat that clung to the ceiling and was a super sport allowing us to take many close up photos of him. To say the least I was in awe at the beauty this cave had hidden inside of her walls. I stood at her opening, gazing out at the landscape before me and entranced in thought. Had I let pre-formed stereotypical thinking stop me from venturing in I would have missed out on, not only a tremendous sight to behold, but also a sweet life lesson that was penetrating my soul.

I stood for a moment and I wondered how many people cross my path daily that are dwelling in darkness. People who possess magnificent beauty but have it hidden because they have been labeled by some stereotypical mindset. People who just need someone who is willing to have the courage to step inside their world and shine just a sliver of light on their soul. Oh my! What might we see waiting in the depths if we just take the time to explore? You see, it wasn’t that long ago that I was dwelling in darkness. Trapped in a prison of my own fears and anxieties. Hidden behind self made walls built to keep others from hurting me. Frustrated, miserable and alone. But one glorious happy day someone looked beyond the shell they saw on the outside, shone a light into my darkness and penetrated the walls of stone. This light that, no matter how far I venture or how many nooks and crannies I slip into, always extinguishes the darkness and it is always visible and present. A light that is not bound to prejudice mentalities or preconceived notions. This light that not only shines from the outside but has enlightened my soul and renewed my heart. It is not mine but I possess it and long to shine it wherever I may go. A light that will perhaps penetrate someone else’s walls and their beauty, no matter how deeply hidden, will be revealed for all to see. I am so very thankful for this light, and for an adventure to a cave on a chilly November morning,

John 1:1-5 Before anything else existed, there was Christ with God. He has always been alive and is himself God. He created everything there is – nothing exists that he didn’t make. Eternal life is in Him and this life gives light to all mankind. His life is the light that shines through the darkness and the darkness can never extinguish it.

 

 
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Posted by on November 30, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

A Weary Single Mother’s Paraphrase of Psalm 23

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As I walk this valley that death has led me to
The shadows taunt me
Fear lurks behind me
I can feel his hot breath on my skin
The echoes of solitude ring in my ears as
He whispers I am alone
I tremble
If I hesitate for just one moment
I will crumble
Oh! For strong hands to steady me
Oh! For strong arms to lift me up
I close my eyes
It is better to walk by faith and not by sight
For the shadows are not what they appear to be
They are distortions of the reality
Indeed this valley it is necessary
It is part of my journey
But it is not my destiny
It was chosen for me
So I must tarry on
heel toe heel toe
I may stumble
But I will not fall
I may get weary
But I will not stall
I will march
And I may crawl
But through it all
I am not alone
My companions
Are merciful and good
My cup is full and runs over
My enemy is present
But cannot overtake me
My path though dark at times
Is straight and clear
My guide is ever near
This valley that death has lead me through
It is not my home
I will carry on…..

 
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Posted by on October 27, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

Of Friday Mornings, Mushrooms and a God Who Answers Prayers

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Fridays are my off day from my paying job (with 4 children and 1 grandchild I never have a real day off! Mommas can you feel me??) So as often as I can I venture out on a trail with a hiking partner. Last Friday rolled around and it had been a few weeks since my last adventure. Circumstances prevented a planned outing but my weeks had been extremely taxing and my soul so needed some refreshing. I concluded to set off on my own and enjoy some solo time on a familiar trail. My destination would be Laurel Run Park in Church Hill, a trail with some waterfalls that I had been on once before during the cold weather months and was curious to see in the summer season. With backpack packed, hiking boots on and pole in hand, I put sole to trail and began my day. I chuckled a little as I crossed the bridge and saw a sign that read “Caution, Dangerous Wildlife, Proceed at Own Risk.” I didn’t recall seeing that the last time but perhaps I was too caught up in conversation to notice, and I dared to proceed despite the warning.

The day was over-cast with very little light filtering in through the forest’s covering.  The deeper into the trail I went, the darker it got. After making the stream crossing I was walking along and I began to think about that caution sign…..and bears. My mind began to race. What on earth would I do if I encountered one? Did I tell anyone where I was going today? If one attacked me I would cut him! Fiddlesticks! I left my handy dandy pocket knife in my purse in the car (no I had not been using it on anyone lately) Lord, I know your plan for me is not to be eaten by a bear when I am seeking serenity!  As I think back on it now, I am amused at how entangled I became with thoughts of a bear that was nowhere near. How many times in life do we allow ourselves to get wrapped up in worries that never happen? That we let our fears get the best of us? That we focus on the things that might happen versus the things that we know are true?

It wasn’t long until the melody of the stream became the song that I longed to hear. A few more steps and I had reached my destination of the waterfall. All thoughts of anything on the outside world fled my mind and I became entranced with the sights, the sounds, the aromas that surrounded me. I lingered at the fall for about an hour, taking pictures, exploring the different angles, playing in the rushing waters, inhaling the fresh smell of the wet earth and admiring the beauty of my surroundings. I proceeded on up to the top of the falls and found the perfect spot to sit for a spell and talk to my Father about the things that were weighing on my heart. Did He hear me? Would He answer? Would things be ok? I repeated a phrase that I had uttered many times before along my journey called life, “Lord, I believe, but help me with my unbelief.”

The clock was ticking away and it was time for me to wrap things up.  I headed back to the trail and was tossing through my mind whether I had time to proceed on up to the second fall.  After checking the hour, I knew I needed to head back to the car but I put in one simple request before I began my trek back. “Lord, I would really love to see a mushroom! Something curious and interesting!” Literally within two steps I looked down and standing there, illuminated by a single ray of sun that pierced through the darkness was the most exquisite mushroom I had ever laid eyes on! I swear I heard that “ahhhhhhhh” you hear in movies when something magical happens. I knelt down to examine this handsome specimen and was awed by his stance, the way his colors complimented the blanket of green moss he sprouted from. He was magnificent and I was enamored. When I was finally able to peel my attention away from this wonderful mushroom, I saw another one, totally different in appearance but nonetheless stunning. Then another one and another one! How had I missed these beauties on my way up? Had I been too focused on thoughts of a bear that didn’t exist? Did God just answer my prayer and kaboom! They were there? I’m not sure which scenario was right, I just knew I was happier than a fat kid eating cake as I went from one mushroom to another snapping shots and admiring their uniqueness.

I stood there for a moment, somewhat shocked at how quickly my simple request had been answered. Not only did I see one mushroom, but I had been blessed with a showcase in every direction. Thanksgiving couldn’t help but escape from my lips and it was then that I heard the response that brought me to my knees somewhere in the middle of a trail nestled in the woods of Hawkins County. “If I hear you when you ask for simple things and I answer you, how much more do to you think I hear you when you ask for greater things? For your children, your family, those that you love and I love even more?” Psalm 18:6 says “In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears.”  On a beautiful, serene Friday morning the most High God of heaven, the creator of the universe, the maker of the sun, moon and stars, author of my life, my Father and my Friend met with me in the woods. He ministered to my spirit and soothed my soul, reminding me that, yes! He hears my every prayer, every request, whether they are simple or heartfelt cries. He assured me once again that He is always with me, His promises are ever true and His word never fails.

As I headed back to the real world with every step my feet felt a little bit lighter, my stride more joyful and my spirit rejoiced! There were no thoughts of unseen bears lurking in the distance. Instead thanksgiving and praise to my God bellowed out of my gut. I was thankful for His presence, for His assurance, for His voice and for mushrooms.

Some of the other gems I found 🙂

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Posted by on August 19, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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Independence Day

flag

As I was on my many excursions the other day to pick up one of my children, I stopped at a very familiar intersection waiting on the cars to pass so that I could pull out. I sat there for a moment gazing at the sky before me and, as I always do, noticed the huge American flag that was prancing in the wind. I have seen this flag a hundred times or more but for some reason at this particular moment, I was enamored by her beauty. Her presence courteously demanded attention; her colors seemed bolder than other days and the gracefulness in which she moved along with the rhythm of the wind connected with my spirit. I couldn’t help but to be compelled to take a snap shot and as the sound of the shutter echoed in my ears I heard the softly spoken words, “Independence Day, do you remember when I set you free?” Yes, we had just recently celebrated the 4th of July and I was able to enjoy my sweet granddaughter’s first parade and the company of family and friends at a cookout later on that day. We were all decked out in our patriotic attire, eating, drinking and fellowshipping as we were commemorating the freedoms that we are so blessed to enjoy. Yet it was not those events that were resonating in my spirit, immediately my mind went back to that glorious day that the magnificent God of heaven had set me free from a bondage that had held me captive for most of my life.

January 8, 2013 had begun like any other day (and for you Elvis fans, YES! That is his birthday!) I woke up with the break of day spilling through my blinds. My heart was heavy and that familiar empty feeling was nagging at my gut. I had known for a while now that things were getting ready to change in my life, I had prayed for the changes fervently for many years and I had even felt God bring me to a crossroads several times. Yet I, in my humanness, resisted the choices I knew I had to make and would find myself again back on the same road running in circles. There was something different about this day, I felt almost a dire straits type of urgency so I prayed and just asked God to once again guide my heart, my life, my thoughts and my decisions. The day went about as normal and it was mid-afternoon until I heard His voice. Ironically I was driving down the same road as the above pictured flag is on and I heard Him say to me. “Today is the day, you must make a change.” Mercy! Seriously! I must? Like a necessity? Would my world end if I didn’t make the right decision today? (I am so glad that God is used to my animated, dramatic responses.) Regardless of my reaction, I knew that I could not go to sleep on this night without making the change I knew God was directing me to make.

After my marriage of 12 years ended, I felt God persistently drawing me to Himself. Because of things that had happened in my childhood with my father, I grew up thinking (in a desperate ‘oh my god I have to have it or I will die of worthlessness’ manner) I needed a man to affirm me, to give worth, to deem me of value. I spent many years and cried many tears dealing with rejection from the ones I looked up to, needing them to lift me up. No matter how well I performed, what accomplishments I achieved, how many others thought I was the shizzz, if I didn’t get approval from the man in my life, well, I was left feeling empty, destitute and completely broken. I can’t relay to you the countless times I cried out to God, begging Him to just puh-lease change me and make me worthy of someone’s love and approval!  One of my biggest fears was that I would end up alone without anyone to love me. I hated being alone. The thought terrified me even to the point of feeling anxiety a week before my children would go away to their dad for his time with them. I can look back now and see how ridiculously insane it all was, but during the time it was all happening, it was a cruel reality. So instead of being alone, I would find myself in relationships that weren’t meant for me to be in at all. Not necessarily ‘bad’ ones, just the wrong ones. The problems weren’t about who I was with, the problems were a stronghold buried deep inside of me and the God of Heaven wanted to break the stronghold.

To make a long story short, before the sun went down that day, I made the changes that I needed to make. It was scary and I felt it a little risqué to lay down all my defenses and control and to just trust God completely with every aspect of my heart and life. Just me and Him. Whew! I can tell you though that as soon as I acted on my decision, an enormous peace flooded my heart in a way that I had never ever felt before. A peace that I had fervently prayed for as a child, a young woman, as a mother. A peace that passed any understanding I could comprehend. A peace that wasn’t based on situations and circumstances all being hunky dory, but one that took up residence in a broken and empty heart and filled it to overflowing.  It has been an amazing journey over the past year and a half. My children have faced some of the most challenging times since we lost their dad, yet each challenge has brought many blessings. Times that I would have caved under the pressures of life, I found myself resting in the assurance that God had it all under control. Nights that I would wake up feeling destitute and alone were soon replaced with sweet sleep and a comforting presence that followed my every step. Moments of revelation of God’s awesome power, His incredible love and His endless mercy. With His grace and help, I began to recognize the worth and value I possess within myself.  I was discovering who I was, on a journey with just Him as my only appraiser and the treasure that dwells  inside of me. (Heck fire! The SAME spirit that raised Christ from the dead lives in me, how magnificent is that!?!

Of course there have been brief moments that I allowed myself to become distracted and veered off my course just a little, but those moments never last very long.  The enemy of our soul is always seeking to trip us up, but God is always faithful to remind me of who I am, who He is and why and where He has me in my journey. The bible talks about in John 8 “if we know the truth, the truth will set us free. And if the Son sets us free, we are free indeed.” (paraphrased). As I sat there at the intersection and watched as the flag danced effortlessly with the wind beneath her, singing freedom to all who drove by, I was reminded of my freedom song, of all the things God has changed in my life and all the liberties He has planted in my heart through His truth. I pondered on the serenity I have found in singleness and the peace I have found in solitude with Him. I cried, I rejoiced, and I sang praises as I discovered a piece of myself in the beauty of that flag and I was reminded of MY Independence Day

(insert – for a woman who hated to be by herself for any given amount of time – I went on a solo hike in the Spring of this year. It was amazing!! Not only the best three hours I had ever spent, but a landmark in my journey of freedom that I cherish! The soothing melody of the waterfall, the tune of the creek as it trickled across the rocks, the gentle breeze that rustled my hair – it was all beautiful and breathtaking yet none of it could compare to the peace and tranquility that is dwelling inside of me! Yee haw!)

 
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Posted by on July 10, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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Me…

Peace in singleness

Serenity in solitude

Alone but not lonely

At home in my own skin

I sit in silence and watch

A crowd

Desperate

Miserable

Searching

The noise on the inside

Drowns out the surrounding chaos

I used to be one of them

One day perhaps

They will be me

Free

To live

To love

To laugh

To embrace

To let go

To give

Not because I’m owned or obligated

But because I have the liberty

The courage

The wholeness

The confidence

The passion

To just be

Me….

 
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Posted by on July 8, 2014 in Uncategorized