I came across this picture this morning and it spoke volumes to my heart. Some days I feel like a caged-bird that has lost her song. Just as she swings back and forth listlessly in the same rhythmic motion day in and day out, so are my mundane efforts to muddle through the monotony of everyday responsibilities. Morning light brings the all familiar empty feeling in the pit of my being, forcing me to run to the secret place and desperately grasp at the only One who can truly saturate my soul. Some efforts are focused and full of robust hope, while others are scattered, tattered and frayed. Nevertheless the Faithful One hears my cry, gathers my emotions, soothes my soul and prepares me for the tasks that are ahead.
I’m not resentful of my cage. It’s not a dreadful place at all. It’s beautiful, lively, the walls plastered with a palette of colorful smiles, laughter, tears, lessons, challenges, hopes, dreams, memories, and those priceless moments that you carry with you for a lifetime. It is full of treasures that money can’t buy and honestly I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. I was made for this very place, it is my purpose and I’m determined to fulfill it with all of my heart. I strive daily to do it well. There are nights I sit down and am satisfied at the accomplishments of the day and then there are those times I can’t go on for one more moment and wonder how in the world did I make it through.
Most days I am fully content with where I am and what I’m doing. But like a thief in the night, a nagging pain rises up from a distant land inside my heart. I go back to the little girl searching for the notes to make up the song she was told she didn’t deserve to sing. A young lady trying muster up a dance to a beat she does not know. A wife quietly humming the scattered notes she has gathered along the way only to be made to feel like a clanging cymbal. A woman, independent and strong-willed, yet still striving to put the music together to create the melody that has been silenced by abuse, rejection, criticism, failure, shame and guilt.
The song exists, I know it does! I’ve heard others sing theirs and it is marvelous. I see them moving gracefully to their melody. I watch as they adjust the strings when things get off key. I will find that song, the one that belongs to me. Oh I get weary and my heart seems as if it will fail me at times, but if I have learned anything in life it is that sheer determination and effort are my best friends. I will put together the bits and pieces I have heard along the way and compose a masterpiece that will burst forth like the noon day sun. I will no longer be muted inside my cage but I will open wide the door, not to fly away but to beckon others to come and share this wonderful discovery. I will help them find their song and together we will be a symphony. The empty place will be filled, I will radiate with beauty, and I will sing.
February 10, 2012 at 10:42 pm
Lovely. i’ve heard your song. It’s beautiful.