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“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” ~ Harold Whitman. I saw this quote the other day and when I read it, it was as if the words jumped right off the page and embraced me. I admit that I find myself a lot of times in survival mode, feeling like life has tied me to the whipping post, going through the motions, just trying to make it through until the next break comes along. Yet, when I stop for a moment and allow the winds of purpose to fan the flames of who I am and what I am here for, I feel that life rise up inside me like a blazing inferno and I know without a doubt it is these things that make ME come alive. (Part two)

Friendship. I love being a friend. In being a person in someone’s life they can count on. To laugh with them when they’re happy. To cry with them when they are sad. To listen when they need to talk. To bring a much-needed smile to their countenance when life has had its way with them. Someone to get together with for no reason at all except to enjoy each other’s company. True friendship has to be one of God’s greatest blessings, a reciprocal relationship. Proverbs 11:25 says, “Those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed.” If you be a friend, God will ensure that you will have a friend. Just as He will move upon your heart to perform a small, thoughtful deed for someone, He will also drop in the spirit of a friend that you yourself is in need of refreshing. He may even send a sweet little one to your office with a bag of Lindor milk chocolate truffles at the very moment you need them the most! (the friend and the chocolate 🙂 )

There is comfort and security in an aged friendship, excitement and anticipation in the spark of a new relationship, the gift of someone God put into your life for a season to add priceless memories that time cannot erase. One of my favorite quotes is, “A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.” What a treasure to have someone you can share your innermost being with, who can know the good the bad and the ugly and still love you. Someone who will pick you up when you have fallen, who will hum the tune for you when your voice has been silenced by failure or dissappointment. Ecclesiastes 4 says, “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.” Another quote says, “A life without friends is like the sky without a sun.” What a dreadful place to be, alone with no friends! I would rather be in Alaska in 10 feet of snow than to ever find myself in that situation!

Companionship is the best of all friendships. Oh the joy when your best friend is the one you love AND are in love with . The one who puts the tune in your melody, the skip in your stride, the beat in your heart. The person that makes everything enjoyable just because they are there with you. Who will stick with you through every season of your life, through the ups and downs, the victories and challenges, the sunny times and the darkest hours. The one in whom your favorite place is simply laying in their arms. Genesis 2:18 says, “God said, ‘It’s not good for the Man to be alone; I’ll make him a helper, a companion.” The Bible also speaks of our relationship with Jesus as that of a bridegroom and His bride. Relationship and companionship was God’s idea from the beginning and, well, that is one idea that I really like (I fearfully admit that there are some things He says in His word that doesn’t always settle well with me, you know, the whole loving your enemy and women being silent stuff, I tend to debate those with Him). I love to meet couples who have been together for 20, 30, 40+ years and watch them still get that sparkle in their eyes when they are speaking of each other. Their stories are far greater than the best romance novelist could ever pen.

To love and be loved in return, to share your life with someone, to watch them light up because you walked in the room, to hold their hand when your walking through Lowes, to sit beside them instead of in front of them in a resturant because you want to be closer, to have them reach over and put their hand on your back when you are standing in a crowd, to think of something they said days before and laugh out loud. All these little things bring such deep satisfaction to my heart. They make me feel like King David when he sang about running through a troop and scaling a wall. (2 Samuel 22 if you want to read it, it’s great!) If I could achieve some great accomplishment, win the Nobel Peace Prize, merit a Presidential Medal of Honor, or be voted the most successful domestic engineer of all times and be recognized world-wide, but I had to do it alone, well, I’d rather eat potted meat for the rest of my life! Ugh! It is the people that make my life full of vigor and excitement. Add my spice to it and wow, what a life. 🙂
Part three coming soon…

“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” ~ Harold Whitman. I saw this quote the other day and when I read it, it was as if the words jumped right off the page and embraced me. I admit that I find myself a lot of times in survival mode, feeling like life has tied me to the whipping post, going through the motions, just trying to make it through until the next break comes along. Yet, when I stop for a moment and allow the winds of purpose to fan the flames of who I am and what I am here for, I feel that life rise up inside me like a blazing inferno. It is then that I know without a doubt these are the things that make ME come alive.

(part one)
Being a mother. This has to be the absolute greatest joy in my life along with being the most challenging task I have ever taken on. The responsibilities are exhausting yet the rewards are countless! Psalm 127:3 says, “Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him.” I have been blessed with 4 very unique ones, all with magnificent talent and winning personalities – and yes they are fully aware that their personality is inherited maternally :). Children who are full of vibrant potential, destined to be successful in whatever they choose to pursue in life. Children that are hardly ever still!

There are very few things in life that stay the same, this is the one role that will always be a definite; I’ll be a mother till the day I die. I can be exhausted mentally, physically and emotionally and yet still pull myself up out of bed each morning knowing that I am doing the most important thing that God made me for. Becoming a mother changed the type of person that I was. It has taught me how to be selfless, forgiving, humble and thoughtful. It requires me to possess compassion and empathy, along with wisdom and discernment. To be successful at it, I personally feel it demands a close relationship with God. I have done more praying in my life concerning my children and being the mom they need me to be than I have over any other topic. What a terrible predicament I would be in if I didn’t have help and guidance from the greatest parent ever!

It is amazing the satisfaction I feel in my heart when my children are thankful for something I have done, or when they are in distress and I am the one they call on. Words can’t express the pride that radiates when my 8 year old announces to the whole lunch table, “this is MY mom!” or the warmth that penetrates my innermost being when they wrap their arms around me just because they love me. Moments like these are priceless and will be the ones that come to my mind when I am old and not so gray (thanks to Clairol and Manic Panic I WILL be the old chick with cool hair!), laying on the beach, soaking up the sun and sipping on my cool refreshing adult beverage. A few weekends ago, I went and watched a local band perform. The guitar player was incredible to say the least. I don’t think I have ever seen someone play an instrument with such zeal. It wasn’t enough to just hear him, but you were drawn to watch him, to witness the passion he had for the music he was creating wash all over him. As I stood there, with every cell in my body standing at attention, I thought to myself, “being a mom makes me feel like that!” And I was refreshed, renewed and felt alive.

…this is going to be a long blog because I can tend to be very wordy when I am writing about certain things, therefore, it will be continued… Until we meet again ;o)

In light of another year coming to a close, I don’t want to make resolutions that I’m not going to keep. Instead, I have spent time reflecting on some things I have learned in the past 41 years…in random order. Of course I am not saying these are the “absolute truths” just some conclusions I have drawn while living life in my shoes. :o)

With God all things ARE possible, yes, but that doesnt always mean all things are going to happen, no matter how much you pray for it, cry for it or desire it.

The less expectations you have, the less dissappointment you will have in your life.

If you have asked God to change things about you for at least 30 years and He hasn’t yet, chances are He isn’t going to. There are several things I would change about me, but He doesn’t seem to see it the same way I do. ugh!

Life has some hard lessons to learn. Don’t let one (or many) failures cause you to quit the course.

The less you need of people, the less they will give.

Independence is a good thing, but don’t be too stubborn to ask for help when you need it.

Hope itself an oxymoron. Sometimes it seems like it is a fairy tale wish that never comes true, but if you have no hope, you have no strength to go on.

Putting your hope in what tomorrow may or may not bring is foolish and a waste of time. Tomorrow never comes, it is always a day away.
If you want something out of life, do something to achieve it. Sitting around and waiting will never accomplish anything.

Treating others the way you want to be treated is always the best approach to take. It doesn’t mean you will always get the same in return but is does mean that you can lay your head down at night and know that you have done what is right.

The bible says that you reap what you sow. Good or bad. Some harvests come more quickly than others.

Even the best friendships go through distant times and change, but true friendships will endure through it all.

I dont believe in soulmates. There is too much divorce for that to be true. I do believe however that two people can love each other, be compatible, have a trusting friendship and make a great, lasting relationship. It will take work, understanding, and selfless acts from both parties but the benefits in the end will be priceless.

Dont judge a book by its cover. Unless you take the time to read the story you have no idea whats written on the pages.

Always try to understand where the other person is coming from. It will help you to not over-react or misjudge or get your feelings hurt quite as much.

Don’t take eveything personal. It’s not always all about you.

Your children are your most precious investment, far above anything else. Never regret the lengths you have to go to for them, even when they are mean, selfish and act like they don’t care. One day they will cherish each effort and moment you sowed into thier lives.

Be happy with yourself and don’t look to others to find your worth or importance. Sometimes their opinions may leave you feeling bankrupt.

Forgiveness is essential in keeping a healthy heart and mind. Bitterness and hate is self destructive.

True beauty isnt measured by what you look like but by who you are and what you do. I have met many physically attractive people, yet when I was able to get to know them and how they treat others, I discovered their character to be butt ugly.

Personality and character are two different things. We can’t and shouldn’t be expected to change our personality…that is how God wanted us to be or He never would have made us that way.

Our character on the other hand is a different story or He wouldnt have made the point to say, ” A good name is better than riches.” Learning the difference between the two is liberating!

Life is never fair. Learning to accept that as early as possible will deliver you from much un-needed stress, bitterness and skepticism.

God is always just. You might not always like or understand the way He does things, but you can always count on it being the right way.

God can handle when you are mad at Him or frustrated and it’s okay to talk to Him about it. He likes conversation.

Being nice matters. Even when those you are nice too aren’t nice back. No matter how tempted you are to go ape crazy white girl on some very deserving soul, don’t! You will regret it later (well in most cases, ha)

People might not remember everything you do for them, but they will remember how you make them feel. Go the extra mile to make someone else feel important and loved. You may be the only one who does.

Life gets too busy. MAKE the time to spend with those you love. Every lasting relationship takes effort.

Mean people suck.

Sometimes life is overwhelming and unbearable, but the alternative isn’t any better.

God and chocolate are the answer to everything. ;o)

The older I get, the more I learn, but the less I know. So there will be more to come…..Happy New Year! :o)

Here I am, a single mom with 4 children ages ranging form 8 to 15. After a 12 year marriage, I have been divorced for over 4 years but have felt “single” for most of my life. In 41 years I have had boyfriends, companions, a husband and friends, yet there has always been a haunting sense of loneliness that has followed me around like a lost dog. At any given moment it can overtake me, rendering me feeling helpless and alone. Just a by-product perhaps of a little girl growing up in a chaotic home with an alcoholic, abusive father. Makes me wonder what will become of my babies as they grow in a home with a mom who many times is exhausted mentally and physically from trying to survive everyday life. Children who have had to cope with their security being jerked out from under them without their control. Mistakes made by both parents resulting in a divided family. And to top it off, they are now slapped in the face with the reality that their dad has cancer and unless God chooses to work a miracle, death like a thief in the night will steal him from them. So much to deal with in such a short amount of years for all of them. All one can do is to put their hope and trust in the author of life and love and believe that better times are yet to come.

If I would have had the chance to sit down and write the book of my life before this saga began, I would have defintly arranged a different story. Nevertheless, here I am, living out the pages of a book that was penned before the foundations of the world were laid. Before the depths of the oceans were measured out in the palms of the Almighty, before the shorelines were sketched, before one thing was spoken into existence, the Great God of Heaven thought of me and etched my existence into a future that was sure to come.

What a concept to grasp ahold of. I admit that there have been times in my life that I felt I understood beyond a shadow of a doubt the divine plan of my heavenly Father that loved me so much that He sacrificed his only son that I may know him. I have relished in the peace of knowing that because of His great love, I was never to be alone. Yet at other times, I have found myself questioning the madness of any reasoning that would allow the magnitude of tragedy, failure, hurt to be inflicted on innocent souls. Am I just a character in a drama that I had no choice but to be cast in? To be forced to move along and deal with whatever the script presents in front of me? Do I dare admit that I have even questioned the very existence of the author Himself and all that I have put my faith in?There are minutes in my days that I would like to grab ahold of hope and faith and choke the life out of them. Yet at other times, moments when my greatest fears wrap around me like a tournaquet, something inside of me refuses to let go. Something encourages me to grasp onto the only One who has gotten me this far.

So again I say here I am, meditating on what seems to be a lifetime of thoughts dancing through my head. The melody is sometimes soothing, perhaps a beautiful piano solo that brings tranquility to the chaos around me, or is it inside of me? Both can be true at times. At other times it is a miscontrued, out of tune bashing of the keys that brings only fear, anxiety and doubt.

Sometimes the stress of everyday life overrides all that faith and hope has to offer. Four precious lives relying on me to get it all done. Physical needs that must be tended to, emotional tanks that need to be filled, practical tasks that are necessary. Mercy, I hear mom so many times in a hour that some days I truly want to escape to a land where there are five of me. One solely devoted to each child and one to relax, kick back and bask in the goodness. This escape only lasts for a fleeting moment until a knee-jerk back into the real world has me tending to whatever task is at hand.

Of course I won’t leave you hanging soley in all the stress and disarray. In the midst of the madness there are those many priceless moments that make it all worth while. How does the saying go? “Life isn’t measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.” Well, I can tell you from experience that is the truth. I experience those daily also, especially in the unforeseen hugs that embrace you at just the right moment and melts all the cares and worries away.

It may not sound like it so far, but I do absolutley love being a mom, more than anything else in my life. It is the one thing that I have discovered beyond a shadow of a doubt that I AM. All the things that I do daily doesnt “make” me a mom, a mom is “who” I AM, therefore I do. It is the one role I have played out in my life that came natural to me. I can still remember that transforming moment after having my first daughter, when I looked in the mirror and said out loud, “oh my, I look different, I look like a mom!” I think it was the first time in my life that I had looked in the mirror and was pleased with what I saw.

Do I struggle sometimes with the quality of job that I am doing? Do I wander through all of my mistakes if I am twisting my childrens minds and that they will one day put me on Montel Williams as the world’s worst mom ever?! Do I grow weary at times with the overwhelming responsibility of being the guardian, caretaker, teacher, trainer, example to four precious souls? Duh! of course I do! Yet I wouldnt take all the fame and fortune in the world for the joy that my babies bring to my heart. Oh most definitly there are times that I want to yoke them up and bust some rebellious tail, but other times, most times, I want to wrap them in my arms and hide them away from all the troubles and harm that they have to face. I look at them sometimes without their knowledge and I am overwhelmed at the blessing of being trusted with these wonderful hearts.

So 1138 words later, here I am, to share – thoughts, experiences, laughters, sorrows, rages, dissappointments, successes and perhaps at times just a good cup of coffee and some nice conversation. Perhaps the only purpose will be for me… to let go of whats inside and at times look back and cherish every moment that life sends my way.