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I trust you….

I trust you....

Before the sun shows his light over the horizon, I lift up my eyes unto you, Oh God, maker of heaven and earth, Almighty eternal King, the One who was, and is and is to come, the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, my heavenly Father and my closest Friend. My Spirit resonates with praises to you who is worthy beyond the feeble words I can sing. Your mercies greet me anew and once again I declare my eyes are fixed on You and I trust you.

I trust you Lord to guide me on the path that leads only to you.

I trust you with my children (and grand-children), for you have a destiny for each of their precious souls and I stand firm in the promises you have spoken no matter how dark things appear to be at times.

I trust you with my health as I do everything I can to treat my body right.

I trust you with my mind, to cleanse my thoughts and cast down any that contradict you and your Word.

I trust you with, not only with my life as a whole, but with everyday living, the little things that come my way each day.

I trust you with my security, for your angels guard us and keep clear our paths from destruction.

And Lord, oh Lord, I trust you with my heart. It is yours to hold safely and securely while you continue to mold me and make me. When those moments come that I need comfort, that I need companionship, that I need arms wrapped around me to shelter me from the storm, I trust that it is you Lord who will faithfully come to my rescue.

With a joy unspeakable and full of glory, with a peace that passes all understanding, with complete confidence and assurance, I say to you oh Lord, good morning and I trust you.

 
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Posted by on January 5, 2014 in Uncategorized

 
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Dreams

Dreams

Dreams …An escape from reality
Taking you to places that you long to be
But, sometimes mine..they take me back
To Places so old
Places so cold
A little girl crouched in fear
A young lady fighting back the tears
A wife, distraught, striving for good
A minister, fallen, from the priestly-hood
A woman desperate and searching for love
Shaking her fists at the skies above
A mother determined to take care of the needs
A widow whose hidden heart still bleeds
So many wounds
So many chains
So afraid things will remain the same
The past , it haunts
It stabs and taunts
It can leave you hurting
Feeling alone…

A gentle hand on my shoulder to shake
I open my eyes and my soul does awake
The light seeps through
My heart skips a beat
I feel Him lift me to my feet
Arise my love and face the day
Your many sins have been washed away
Your chains are gone
Your slate is clean
Those familiar fears
Was just a dream
You’re not alone
For you have me
And yes my dear, I am all you need
No matter what may come your way
Together we will face each day
Awake, arise
Stand strong, stand tall
It was just a dream after all…

 
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Posted by on January 4, 2014 in Uncategorized

 
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Reflections….

Refections....

Well another year has came and went and as always, I sit here this morning drinking a nice cup of pumpkin spice coffee taking time to reflect upon the many events that has occurred over the past 365 days, so many changes, challenges and blessings: becoming exclusively single for the first time in 21 years and trusting only God with my heart (and I can tell you it has been the best experience of my life!), my son breaking his leg in half, my daughter giving birth to her first child and my first grandchild (and witnessing the miracle of birth from a whole new angle!), making new friends, reconnecting with old friends, venturing into new things, seeing my children grow and walk in God’s callings in their life, watching my faithful God and Father answer so many prayers and truly experiencing a peace that passes all understanding I can honestly that although 2013 saw its share of struggles, it has been one of my best ones by far. For what it’s worth, here are a few of my reflections totally in random order…..

I’ve learned that there are people you meet in life who will connect with your soul and when that happens you are forever affected by it whether the friendship lasts a minute or a lifetime.

A soul-mate may not be just one person or your companion – I have several soul-mates (men and women) and my life wouldn’t be the same without.

When you are knitted together with someone by God – time nor distance, situation nor circumstance can hinder your connection.

I absolutely love to hike! I love gallivanting around in the beautiful creation my God made and
He always shows himself in a spectacular way to me when I take the time to see.

Waterfalls are the cheapest and greatest form of therapy! Not to mention they are breathtaking to behold!

I love rocks – all shapes and sizes!

I love sushi!! Yum!

A good glass of wine and a bubble bath are necessary from time to time.

Love is a choice, not a sappy feeling – that is usually lust or gas!

There is a love that runs deeper than romance and emotions and when the “feeling” is gone, that kind of love will remain strong. It is an unselfish love that always wants the best for the other party involved.

Love is a powerful force but if someone doesn’t love their self, you will never be able to love them enough.

I can make it through life without a lot of things, but good, faithful friends are a necessity!

Girlfriends are one of God’s greatest gifts! I have been blessed with the absolute best ones ever!

It is possible to be single and very happy.

There is a big difference in being alone and being lonely.

Sometimes solitude is the best serenity (and that’s coming out of the mouth of a chick who hated being by herself!)

No matter how bad you want something, if it’s not God’s will, it wont happen.

It is truly amazing the love you can feel for your grand child!

I hate – despise – loathe with all of my being – Biology!

You can never spend too much time holding your grandbaby (and you can never take too many pictures!)

Baby toes trump chocolate!

Your children never stop needing you – the needs just change as they grow older. Be flexible and give them space to be themselves. They will love you for it.

When you love yourself – life takes on a whole new flavor.

It’s empowering to accept your own worth and value – especially when there is no one else to affirm you.

Confidence in your self is attractive.

Your children know you better than you think they do. Take their advice sometimes.

Laugh with your children – they need to see you act silly and be happy.

Some of the greatest moments in life are shared in the car with your kids and the radio.

No matter how hard you try not to, sometimes you will hurt other people’s hearts.

Pain is necessary for growth.

Kidney stones still suck and hurt like hades! (and contributes nothing to above referenced growth lol!)

Everyone is fighting some kind of battle – be kind and smile – it may make all the difference in the world!

God is always on my side – even when I’m a cat’s hair away from going to jail – whew that was memorable but scary..;)

Answers to prayers don’t always come ‘quickly’ but when they do come, they are ‘suddenly’ – chew on that one for a few 😉

Never ever think that God doesn’t hear our prayers. He is always listening, always working on our behalf.

Proverbs 13:12 says : Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life” I have learned from personal experience that scripture Is absolutely true!!

God’s timing is perfect! We may not always understand His plans at the moment, but when revelation comes it is extraordinary!

Don’t try to rush God, He is not moved by our emotional fits.

We can absolutely and completely trust God with ALL areas of our life. He will never fail us or let us down.

We can have epic fails and God still loves us!

God will speak to through whatever means He needs to get your attention – He will even use Elvis Presley! I love you always Elvis!!

Most of all I learned that the things I thought I wanted and needed most in my life, I don’t need at all. All I need is God and when I walk in complete trust and dependency upon Him, HE fulfills my every need and life is a joy to live. He will bring the people, places, things and events my way that He desires for me and I don’t have to worry about a thing!

I’m sure there are many more but the shower is calling. Wishing everyone a very blessed and prosperous 2014!

 
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Posted by on January 3, 2014 in Uncategorized

 
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On Valleys, Shadows and Father’s Day Gifts

On Valleys, Shadows and Father's Day Gifts

Last week started as any usual week. Busy schedules, work, ballgames, kids wanting to go here and there, nothing out of the ordinary except this nagging irritation in the pit of my being. Being a woman, I figured it was just a normal ride on the nice little hormonal rollercoaster we encounter periodically, and I was sure it would fade as usual. As the next day rolled around, the irritation remained and was in greater capacity. I prayed, asking God to help me not feel like I could bite a nail in two, yet it proceeded from nail-biting to feeling like I could go postal at the drop of a hat. Friends would ask me what was wrong and I felt stupid admitting that I just didn’t know what was going on inside of me. Perhaps I was feeling the anticipation of my children’s hearts as Father’s day was approaching and two days later the 2 year anniversary of their father’s death, heck! I just didn’t know! The fact that I couldn’t shake it and was getting no answer to my “what’s up with me” questions to God was leaving me quite distraught. I finally came to the conclusion (through the help of a friend who is always faithful to sharpen me as iron does for iron) that God was leading me to a place of release and when He knew I was ready, He would faithfully reveal the purpose in all this madness. Until then, it was pray for sanity!

Sunday morning I awoke as the light peeked through my bedroom window. As soon as my eyes were open, my heart felt a gentle nudging. It was Father’s day and my heavenly Father wanted to spend time with me before anyone else was up. Coffee was fixed, and I went to sit outside to enjoy the cool of the morning. As I went to sit down, it felt as if a dam inside of me was about to break. Before I could mutter a word, I heard the sweet voice of my Father shhhh’sh me (hey, sometimes I think He even puts His hand on my mouth when He wants me to be quiet 😉 ) and thus began the revelation of the past few days. As I crawled up in the lap of my Father and laid myself in His embrace, I knew it was time to let go….

For the first time, after two years, I allowed my heart to finally grieve, without any restraints or reasoning, the enormity of the loss that not only my children had suffered, but that had also pierced my heart. I didn’t try to understand, analyze, explain or restrain the tears that were flowing from somewhere deep inside. I just let them fall. I felt their warmth as they trickled down my cheeks. I tasted their saltiness as they found themselves upon my lips. Like a dam that had been opened, my soul had my unspoken permission to purge herself from all that she had been holding back behind those fortified walls. Oh, I’m sure had there been certain onlookers, they would have scoffed at my emotion, yet in this moment, it was just me, my Father and the gentle breeze that rustled through my hair. (oh and my dog was there, my sweet, loving, protective beast of a dog – leaning as close to the fence as he possibly could and looking sideways out of the corner of his eye – somehow understanding the moment and sharing it with me!)

I had lost the one who had become one with my soul many years ago. That supernatural connection doesn’t fade just because a legal paper says you are no longer together. It doesn’t diminish in meaning just because life got the best of you. In the eyes of the one who wove the threads together, it is only severed when He says that it is. How do I know this? Because GOD told me so! I don’t believe in coincidences so no, I don’t find it strange that the day that Derrek took his last breathe on this earth was the same day that 17 years prior, God had joined together two people and made them one. Yes our marriage had failed and in the physical, tangible world that we dwell in, we lived our lives as two separate entities. Yet in the eyes of the Almighty Author of our destinies, He had ordained time and circumstance to allow me to be present in the room as He called Derrek to his heavenly home. In the wee hours of a tragic Saturday morning, my daughter looked up and me and realized what particular day it was, with a broken voice she cried to me, ‘momma it’s June 18, our wedding anniversary’. I, overwhelmed with emotion was walking out of the room, when the audible voice of God spoke to me and said, “I meant it when I said til death do you part.” I knew right then it was soon, very soon and within minutes we witnessed a soul being led from this world into the realms of heaven.

A season of my life was over and a new season was laid before me. A season that would lead my children and I through a valley that, whether we were ready or not, it was time to venture on. The psalmist calls this place the valley of the shadow of death. Most of the time this particular scripture in Psalm 23 is used to reference the transition of the one who is passing. However, I can tell you from experience that, if you are a believer in Christ, there is no valley that you must treck through to get to Him. The bible says “to be absent in the body is to be present with God” and I watched as these words came alive when Derrek took his last breathe here. In an instant, his unbearable pain turned to incredulous peace as He reached out for Jesus and took hold of His hand. I watched in his eyes as his spirit left this world and crossed over into the realms of eternity. There was no valley, only a glorious gathering of angels welcoming him into his new, forever home. The valley was awaiting our feet and the shadows were falling on our hearts.

What is the valley of the shadow of death?

~It’s when you are blowing out your candles and everyone is singing to you the birthday song, and there is the once voice that you would love to hear.

~It’s that grand slams , the touchdowns, the 3 point shots, and even though the crowd is cheering you on, there is one face you are aching to see in the crowd.

~The song on the radio, the TV show you used to watch together, the little things that remind you of the empty space that no one on earth can fill.

~The moments of despair as you lay in your bed wondering how in the world you are supposed to do all of this alone.

~Wishing for that voice of wisdom as you need direction as you grow up.

~The dreams that are so convincing until you wake up and realize that life is still what it is.

~Those times when you just want to call and talk and share and laugh and love and hug.

~It’s everyday life and learning to live it differently now that a part of you is forever gone. Those triggers that bring a smile to your face and a tear to your eye.

Yes! The valley can be a solemn place, but, ah! It is also full of promise! The scripture goes on to say, “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death – I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me. Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.” The valley may be paved with heartache but it also blossoms with memories. At some points you will laugh so hard your stomach hurts and other times you will cry so hard that you feel you can’t possibly cry no more. There will be times you run on auto –pilot and times that you feel like you can’t take another step. But ALL times there is the promise that we are not alone! God, our good Shepherd, walks with us every step of the way. He was there in the hospital room , preparing us for our journey and He has been in every moment since. He promises that no matter what the valley may bring us, or the shadows that are cast upon us, HE is with us! No matter how heavy the heartache – He will comfort us. No matter how empty the space – HE will fill it. No matter how many times we feel like we just can’t make it – HE will be there to lift us up and lead us on. He is ever present and ready to meet us wherever we need Him – in a car, on a jog, in your room, on a field, on a treadmill, and even sitting outside on your wicker loveseat on a beautiful, breezy Father’s day morning. No matter how dreadful the valley or how dark the shadows sometimes, HE IS THERE! Will we ever move out of the valley? No. It’s a trail that we will have to blaze until it comes our time to cross over, but we need not to fear when HE is our travel companion.

The tears ceased and my heart was renewed. On this particular Father’s day it was me who received a gift. Healing, comfort, release, and a beautiful reminder that my God is good and He is still…and always…with me.

 
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Posted by on June 21, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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Celebrating Easter…YES! Jesus Loves Me

Celebrating Easter...YES! Jesus Loves Me

“Jesus Loves me this I know, For the Bible tells me so,
Little ones to him belong, They are weak but He is strong.”

I’m sure that any of us that have even a smidgen of a church background knows this tune. How many times have we recited it with no more of a thought of what we are saying than if we were singing the “give me back my filet o fish give me my fish” McDonald’s jingle? (I’m guilty!) Early in the wee-morning hours, I awoke with this song playing over and over in my head. I was somewhat sleepy and just wanted to drift back into never-land, when I felt that all too familiar (and wonderful) nudge to plunge deeper into the portals of my spirit and answer the question:

Jesus Loves me…How do I know?…..only because the Bible tells me so? My sleepy soul arose as if out of a deep slumber as I answered – I know because –

Every morning when I open my eyes, the sweet presence of the Father is there to greet me and He goes with me throughout the day.

Sometimes He is a silent companion that I know “has my back!”

Sometimes He asks me questions that I know my answer is pretty much null and I’m headed towards a life lesson.

Sometimes we embark on a conversation concerning others and how much they need Him.

Sometimes we talk about how much I need him.

Sometimes we just talk about things like the sky, pretty flowers, magnificent trees, slimy snails, thunderstorms, the ocean, seashells and chocolate, sweet chocolate…

Sometimes we laugh together and sometimes He holds me when I cry.

Sometimes He waits patiently as I try to figure something out.

Sometimes He speaks loudly when He wants my attention to do something for Him.

Sometimes He speaks softly just to remind me that He is there.

Sometimes I just can’t help but to sing to Him because He is so worthy!

Sometimes I am just speechless as I stand in awe of His magnificence.

Sometimes He helps me to help others make it through their day.

Sometimes He just helps me to make it through mine without going all Bloomingdale on some deserving fellow human ;p

Sometimes He compels me to do peculiar things (like stopping in the pouring rain to give an umbrella to a complete stranger)

Sometimes He compels others to do peculiar things for me (like bring me fresh flowers or truffles or tires for my van)

Living a life in relationship with the Master of the Universe, Creator of all things, Most Holy, Almighty Living God – well sometimes you just don’t know what the day will bring…

But ALL times I know one thing – HE IS WITH ME!

Through thick and thin, good and bad, struggles and victories – He is always, always with me!

From the minute I open my eyes, to when I lay my weary head down to rest, He is with me.

Even when I sleep, He is watching over me!

I know that I know that I know – beyond a shadow of a doubt – that Jesus loves me!! Otherwise He would have never given his life in order for me to experience the gift of this “ever-present” presence of my wonderful God and Father! It was love that gave him the strength to endure the beatings. It was love that led him up that hill. It was love that kept him nailed to the cross and it was love that invaded the depths of hell and took back what belonged to me in the first place – unbroken fellowship with the Father! From the moment the curtain was torn in twain from the top to the bottom, His omnipresence broke the boundaries of time and space and inhabited the hearts and lives of all those who call out to Him.

Do you know that Jesus loves YOU? How do you know? Did you read it? Has someone just told you that He does? Or do you live everyday knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that His blood was shed for YOU? Do you know that you know that you know that YES! Jesus loves you!

 
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Posted by on March 26, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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Connections…continued

Connections...continued

Two women
As different as the day is long
A project
Take something barren
Unattended
Overgrown
Make it beautiful!
A plan
Hard work
Tilling
Planting
Sowing
Mission accomplished
Time would tell
The harvest would come
The result amazing. Connected.

Seeds
Of kindness
Honesty
Girl talk
Simple conversation
Heartfelt sharing
The master plan
Friendship that would blossom
So much more beautiful than the flowers
Spirits intertwined
Souls refined
Iron sharpens iron
By the Master himself. Connected.

Days would come
Days would go
Hearts break
Foundations shake
Life uprooted
Faith tested
Wounds collected
Distance
Souls bleed
Shame
Guilt
Silence
Alone
But not abandoned. Connected.

Two daughters
Very much the same
Brought together
In His name
One father
One plan
To supersede the love of man
To see
To know
To grasp
To hold
The love so deep
The love so bold
The love that died
To live again
A simple call
Unveils the plan. Connected

Rise up
Be healed
Be whole
Be free
Go forth
And shout with victory
To the barren
The wounded
The lonely
The weak
Plant
Till
Sow
His seeds
And forever be. Connected.

 
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Posted by on February 28, 2013 in Uncategorized

 
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Connections…continued

Connections...continued

That lonely feeling
When pen and paper seem to be your closest friend
So you write
With clarity
Honesty
With no intentions of sharing
You just write
To release
To feel connected
If only to the soul that takes residence within you
You write
An accidental post
Revealing your innermost thoughts
An unexpected message
Reaction
Relation. Connection.

A meeting
The pretention that you might not have anything in common
Nervous
Fear of rejection
Coffee
Conversation
Elation
Let’s do it again. Connection.

The days become weeks
The weeks become years
A friendship
A bond
A safe place
You can be yourself
No guards
No masks
A sisterhood. Connection.

Joys
Heartaches
Laughter
Tears
Losses
Surprises
Gut wrenching moments that take your breath away
Goals
Accomplishments
Failures
Life
And all it offers
Shared. Connection.

A stranger becomes a friend
A friend becomes engraved in your life-song
Without the beauty of her melody
Life doesn’t make sense
Coffee. Conversations. Connection.

 
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Posted by on February 27, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

Connections….

1-shhh-natalie-trujillo

A sunny day
Same old routine
A sea of faces
A stolen look
A captured glance
It was only a matter of time
Forbidden moments
Hearts and lives forever intertwined
I was yours
You were mine
If only in those moments. Connected

Days passed
Time brought changes
Memories with smiles
Others tear stained
Life went on and the miles grew longer
Thoughts of you remained. Connected.

A call a chance
Anticipation
And in an instant
In your arms
The kiss of your lips
The touch of your hand
3 years 3 months and 20 days
Melted away
We talked
We laughed
We shared
We sighed
The sands of the hourglass
Sifted slowly by
But for that moment
Once again
I am yours
You are mine. Connected.

No matter the hours or the days
No matter what life brings our way
No matter who
What
When
or Where
Always
For a moment. Connected.

 
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Posted by on February 27, 2013 in Uncategorized

 
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Welcome…..

Hello, my name is Christy
Welcome to my corner of the world
It’s loud and lively and lovely
Full of challenges and adventures
Brimming over with moments that make memories
Stored with treasures that money cannot buy
Painted with peace
Colored in conversations
Built on a foundation that is stronger than myself
There are boundaries But no borders
Come as a stranger
Leave as a friend
Anyone is welcome
But not everyone will stay
And that’s okay….
Hello, my name is Christy
Welcome to my corner of the world……

 
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Posted by on January 28, 2013 in Uncategorized

 
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Wake Me….

Wake me when December’s gone
Winter has held me way too long
Her icy clutch, her distant stare
Dear heart how much more can you bare?
Come spring and whisper a lovely tune
Of hope and promise and life anew
Sing to me with flames and fire
Ignite within the lost desire
Shake me, please, don’t wait too long
Wake me when December’s gone…….

 
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Posted by on January 28, 2013 in Uncategorized